A "difference that makes a difference"

Exploration.. why explanations sometimes aren't enough

The Whole body

The picture hangs

The sculpture stands

The work of fingers

Eyes and hands

And I respond;

          I see

Perhaps I move around

to see

A brush in hand

          - the tiniest move

make more

          shadow, shape or shade

with the tiniest flick

a light or depth is made

and..

          I see

Perhaps I move around

          To see

And then there’s Pollack

On the ground

          Footsteps long

                   Feet, legs hands, arms

Perhaps a dance:

          Rhythmic flow?

          Angry stomping?

          Elegant sway?

His whole body pouring out his art.

          I see

Perhaps I move around

          To see

Perhaps “I see”

is not enough.

Whose faith, hope and Love?

Met Him in the early morning
as my heart began to hope.
When the day was full of maybes,
friends to see and things to do
as He held my eye with a look of love
wrapped His arms around my heart
then He laid His hand on this shoulder of mine
saying: "Child walk this way"

And I sang, Hey Lord; I'll celebrate Your Name
I'll sing Hey, Lord; I'll wave Your flag of love
and I'll sing Hey Lord; I'll follow where You lead
for Your mercy has touched upon my soul.

Met Him in the midst of working
as the world came rushing by,
almost had no time to notice
He was close and looking on:
then He held my eye with a look of love
wrapped His arms around my heart
then He laid His hand on this shoulder of mine
saying: "Child walk this way"

And I sang, Hey Lord; I'll celebrate Your Name
I'll sing Hey, Lord; I'll wave your flag of love
and I'll sing Hey Lord; I'll follow where you lead
for your mercy has touched upon my soul.

Met Him in the dark of evening
light and hope began to dim;
as a gloom hid my way forward,
weary heart that could not see,
but He held my eye with a look of love
wrapped His arms around my heart
then He laid His hand on this shoulder of mine
saying: "Child walk this way"

And I sang, Hey Lord; I'll celebrate Your Name
I'll sing Hey, Lord; I'll wave Your flag of love
and I'll sing Hey Lord; I'll follow where You lead
for Your mercy has touched upon my soul.

And I sing, Hey Lord; I'll wonder at Your faith,
and I'll sing, Hey Lord; I'll marvel at Your hope,
and I'll sing, Hey Lord; I'll linger in Your love,
for your mercy has touched upon my soul.

Run

This is the second of songs that I've been playing with (don't think that they're fully refined yet).  Anyway, the kinda grow from a short extract that I read in Alan Jamieson's book "Journeying in Faith".  One of his interveiwees spoke of how difficult he found it singing songs that assumed everyone had a wonderful faith and believed all that they were singing.  Anyway, I've been trying to capture what a worship song might look like if written for someone who's not in a good place; they know God's there somewhere but it just doesn't seem to be anwhere near where they are at the moment.  Do let me know what you thing (of both songs, and if any line doesn't quite flow.

Seeing the road that I’ve walked, things I’ve said and done
the regrets that weigh me down, drag my soul.
Hurt I’ve caused and known; times that hang around my heart
fearing you see me whole: judgement sure

So I run, run, run
and I hide from your love (rpt)

Look at the surgeon’s knife that would cut me free,
fearing it’s two edged blade: awesome cut
takes from me what I prize, a life that I can own
so secure in what I have: my domain

So I run, run, run
and I hide from your love (rpt)

Look at the road ahead, fear what you demand of me
fearing the dark unknown: insecure
Safe in my comfort here, safe within a true belief
safe with a spoken word: that guards my heart.

So I run, run, run
and I hide from your love (rpt)

Look to the cross crowned hill: the man who’s hanging there,
look at the mother’s tears wept for me
held by his love, not nails; feels the hopeless pain of my heart
opens his arms to me, calls my name

So I run, run, run
and I run to his arms
and I hide, hide, hide
and I hide in his love

Silent Heart

I've been trying to write some new songs recently that capture the worship of people who love God but don't think they probably do Christianity up to 'approved' standard. They're songs about about meeting God where we're messy, here's one of them

Silent Heart

Take a look around me at the life I lead
pause to listen to my private thoughts
Glad that you can’t see into the heart of me
Glad that you don’t know just who I am.

Ah, silent heart (x2)

Wishing I could tell you of the grief inside
wishing I could speak the anger out
wishing I could share the acts that shame me now
wishing you could know and understand

Ah, silent heart
a wall that can’t be scaled by mere words
ah, silent heart
an empty space to keep me safe from you

All around I see such thoughtful certainty
all around I see such peaceful faith
all the while within my heart I struggle so
and every answer questions me some more

Aha, silent heart (x2)

Wishing I could tell you of the fears I know
wishing I could tell you of my doubt
fearing if you knew, your shock would question me,
turn away and give me up for lost

Ah, silent heart
a wall that can’t be scaled by mere words
ah, silent heart
an empty space to keep me safe from you

Standing in Your presence Lord, I bow my head
and silence echoes round my empty heart
Your piercing eyes look right into the heart of me
I know and I am known by you my Lord

Ah silent heart (x2)

In the stillness you reach out your heart to mine
in the stillness I can hear you love
in the stillness of your peace, beyond my words
your loving arms surround your fragile child

Ah, silent heart
the meeting of eternity with now
ah, silent heart
the fullness of my saviours love I know. (x2)

Holocaust

A while ago I watched a programme about the Holocaust and Auschwitz.  I was left overwhelmed; I could not comprehend; I could not empathise with those who had been through that horror I could only scream inside.  I feel nervous as a Christian, born long after the 39-45 war, contributing to Holocaust Memorial Day. How could I possibly understand?  How can I avoid insensitivity? I can only grieve and scream.  A poem:

Stand in our midst Lord
stand in our midst
the cross be between us
stand in our midst

The murderous darkness
hidden within
stand in our midst Lord
no light on that hill

Stand in our midst, Lord
dying Jew on a cross
raised up by the mighty
the conquering force

Stand in our midst Lord
allow us to see
the murderous darkness;
give us to grieve

Stand in our midst Lord
the crucified lamb
the suffering servant
the so despised man

Stand in our midst Lord
don’t let us now turn
from the brand on your forearm
and your brothers who burn

Stand in our midst Lord
forbid us to say
that we have any answer
save be it to see
your death within Auschwitz
as you stand in our midst.

Nativity Plays and Safe Religion

Mike reminded me of a favourite quote about Aslan from the Narnia Chronicles

"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."
    "Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
    "Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

It got me thinking, and I sent him a comment which I thought I'd post here as well:

I was watching a nativity play just before Christmas and saw 3 or 4 pretty little girls dressed up as angels ..

and yet the angels in the story scared the shepherds witless

I wonder next year, if we might have a nativity with a couple of 'heavies', thugs as angels. Mary and Joseph played by Palestinians who've been cut off from their homelands. Herod could be played by any of the politicians who've sent armies into Iraq because of their fear of terrorism. The Shepherds might be played by the poor of New Orleans and the Magi, played by Sting, Bono and Bob Geldof. Might that capture more of the feeling of the actual nativity? not quite so cute, I guess.

but it is all symptomatic of the sanitised, comfortable Chritianity we enjoy in the west.

He is not tame but we have safely tamed Him
He is not safe but we've caged Him in a church
The commands He gave we've turned to wishful thinking
and the life He lived we've iced with sugared, almond paste.

He is not tame but we keep him at arm's distance.
He is not safe but we've made Him one of us.
The journey that he maps, is travelled by our SUVs
and His way diverted through leafy, suburban lanes.

He is not tame yet we hardly seem to notice.
He is not safe so we've simply turned our heads;
But His call still echoes in our stabled ears
and His way still lies through a country not our own

Christ the King II

The theme of our service tomorrow is Christ the King. We're going to try and capture not just the majesty of Christ's kingship but also the, somewhat, less comfortable idea of what His kingship might mean for us.

Opening Sentences

Call:           The King is among us

Response   We will worship His name.

Call            The King is among us

Response   We are His Kingdom and throne

Call            The King is among us

Response   So we will answer His call,
                  obey His command,
                 live out His life.

... but it isn't as easy as that ...

But we would trust ourselves
     and stand in our own strength
     and we shall be ashamed
     upon that day.

But the Lord still waits for you
            to show to you His love
            as he said.
    And He, He will conquer you
            so that He may bless you
            with Himself.

no, I'm not sure that Christ's kingship is all about majesty, it's about the day to day, where the rubber hits the road you might say ...

Prayers of Penitence

Call            The King calls us to serve

Response   We long to serve you Lord; have mercy on our weakness

Call            The King calls us to obey His command

Response   We long to live in obedience; have mercy on our weakness

Call            The King calls us to live out His life in the 21^st Century

Response   We long to know what that means, that we might live as you would, oh Lord; have mercy on our weakness

All              Amen

Christ the King

I'm leading the worship/service at our church on Sunday.  Every third Sunday of the month we have a somewhat experimental worship.  The theme of the service is Christ the King and as I prepared the service and wrote down some calls/responses a song emerged from the theme, still a bit rough and I'm not convinced that the tune is strong enough and some of the words are tricky to sing (just try terrorist!), but here it is

Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb;
Oh worship Christ the King,
Come worship Christ our King.

For He was born in rags,
a single mum,
a refugee, asylum sought;
a child enemy of those in power;
the ragged refuse of his age.

Worthy is the Lamb (etc)

He kept the company of drunks and thieves
a prostitute was His friend
a terrorist walked freely by His side
this wretched crowd: His retinue

Worthy is the Lamb (etc)

He died upon a cross, that sign of shame
a crown of thorns His only jewel,
a robe of blood, His gown of majesty
deserted then by all he knew

Worthy is the Lamb (x2)
O worship Christ the King
come worship Christ our King.

Water your Soul

Since I first read it in Celtic Midday prayer, this 'prayer' of Teresa of Avila has been increasingly important to me.  I've just finished a song based on it.  It's funny how strange singing about endurance feels!

Let your mind be not disturbed;
let your heart never fear.
All things pass, God does not change:
Patiently endure

Steel you heart to keep to the end;
Set your foot to the climb.
Who God owns, He'll surely provide:
Patiently endure

And He'll walk with you all through the storm,
yes, he'll walk with you all through the night;
in the dessert, he'll water your soul;
in the loneliness hold on your heart.

I know that some of my friends (both e-friends and the ones closer to home) are having a hard time at the moment.  This has become my prayer for them.

a transient community?

I visited Howard's blog to day (one of my very favourites) he was noting how many blogs had come and gone in the time he had been involved.  What's below started as an ordinary comment but developed into something else, nearly a poem but ...  I do hope that the blogosphere is a community despite the difficulties we have to overcome.  The people that I have 'met' in it have enriched me deeply and whilst the ether denies us the intimacy of a room, yet there are qualities of uncertainty, of tentative writing, of bravery in opening up on ideas that is unique to blogging and I'm so glad I found it.

Blogging is sometimes a tyrant,
new ideas needed, interesting things to say
a tyranny of lines to fill
lest those with whom you enjoy debate
give up on you
as a spent force of yesterday.

and yet
the best of friends will enjoy
a moment's silence
that lingers like a caress
from a lover's touch
but there is no space for silence
on the web

in your room,
I can see you drawing breath
I can see you shape your body
to speak
the curve of your neck the
hint of more to come

but there is no hint
in trebuchet typeface;
only the demand
of more to say

and that wearies so many
and weariness leads to a pause
and the pause to an end
for we forget that conversation
that speaks of love
has no need to
mean
       or intrigue
              or provoke

it just accompanies us
along the way
and that is what I miss
in an e-conversation

and yet, I do not blame
the firework
for dropping from the sky
and I do not regret
that it burned so bright
for a moment above

it was a moment
before the next moment
and I moved on
the richer to take
the next for what it was worth.